Divorce, Holidays & Marriage

Being a child of divorce makes holidays particularly miserable. Especially when you have two very large sides of the family and one side consists of master guilt-trippers. I used to love the holidays, but after years of being dragged back and forth, people guilt tripping me, and basically sucking all of the joy out of the holidays, I have become a Scrooge, Grinch, Negative Nancy, whatever. I hate the holidays.

Now I am getting married and I have THREE families to please. Well, let me tell you, this year it feels so easy to say ‘no’ to both my families and say ‘yes’ to my awesome new family. All I have ever wanted was a stress-free holiday season! I guess even normal families find the holiday season to be stressful, so at the very least I want a less stressful one. With my awesome fiancé, my Scroogy-Grinchy-Negative-Nancy-ness is subsiding. I hate it a little less when stores start advertising for Christmas so damn early. I even decorated our apartment already for Christmas (minus the tree).

I guess I forgot the point of this post, besides, marriage is good, divorce is bad, mkay?

My Normal

Normal feels easy
Normal has a pattern
Normal is routine
Normal has no surprises
Normal is predictable
Normal is everyday

Normal is coffee, eating, cleaning, showering, dressing, cooking, loving, talking, working…living the ordinary, everyday, boring, simple life.

Normal feels comfortable
Normal has no emotion
Normal is plain
Normal is a gift

Normal is groceries, bills, paychecks, treats, dates, sleeping, waking, playing…living the ordinary, everyday, boring, simple life.

Ask and You Shall Receive

A while ago I posted about my realization that I love to write. It wasn’t really a realization that I love to write, I knew that about myself already. It was more of a realization that I want to write more, possibly even write as part of my career, or even as a career.

I love my current job, but I am basically an assistant. There’s nothing wrong with that. But I have been feeling unfulfilled lately in life. I want to do more, and be more, and I know that I can. So when the opportunity presented itself, I jumped on it.

We have a monthly newsletter called The Grapevine. Usually members of the communications committee write the articles for this newsletter. This month, nobody was available to write the story about what happened in our Board of Directors meeting. As soon as I heard this news, I volunteered to write it. There were two board meetings, one on my day off, and I didn’t care. I went, took my notes, wrote my article and saved the day.

Completing this task successfully has been so exciting for me. I love to write, even if I’m summarizing a pretty boring meeting. The newsletter is read by around 600 people. Not much, but it’s a start, and it’s just what I needed.

Perspective

Ever have a really bad experience with someone being extremely rude to you, without being provoked? I just did. I work at a clubhouse for a homeowner’s association. People come here to exercise, swim, play pool or cards, etc. There are rules, especially involving guests and children. One rule is that kids under 16 years of age cannot play on the pool table. Its an extremely beautiful pool table, and serious pool players use it regularly. This afternoon, a woman and her grandson were beginning to play pool. This is the part of my job I absolutely hate. I have to remind people of the rules and enforce them. So I politely told the woman that kids under the age of 16 cannot use the pool table. She got very defensive and began to rant about the fact that she pays into this homeowner’s association and should be able to do what she wants. She told her grandson not to touch anything because I might “have a fit.” After a bit more ranting, she left and said, “I hope you have a wonderful day now that you ruined ours.” I was very hurt by this situation. In general, I’m a very sensitive person, but this encounter was uncalled for and unprovoked.

When things like this happen, I try to think of reasons for it. First I think of what I said, what I did, how I reacted and if I was appropriate. In this case, I didn’t do anything wrong. Then I change my perspective and start thinking about what would cause someone to lash out like that. I consider the fact that maybe she’s having a terrible day, maybe something bad just happened to her, maybe she’s been treated badly by someone else here in the past. I’m not naive. I know that some people are just not nice. But for the most part, I assume the good in people and try to put myself in their shoes… It helps!

Heart & Soul

What do you really truly love to do? I think it’s difficult to place it. We think of what we love in different terms. We think of what makes money. We think of our current jobs and place the things we love about it. But do we really truly love it?

In college, I studied psychology. I really, truly love psychology; but I’m not actually using it, I’m not taking it further. I don’t want to be a counselor, a psychologist, a psychotherapist, etc. Last night I had an epiphany. It’s that I really, truly love to write. I love getting my thoughts out. I love educating people about interesting things. I love having discussions about said things.

If I really chose to take something I love as a career option, I would write. I love it deep down in my soul; the core of my being loves to write. I don’t know what the next step is… besides to keep writing.

Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite holidays. It always has been, even when I was single, even when I was depressed. There is something magical about a day devoted to love. The one thing I hate about Valentine’s Day is the people who hate Valentine’s Day; people who call it “single’s awareness day.”  Yes, media advertises Valentine’s Day as a day for couples to celebrate their love, a day for proposals, a day to have a first date.

How I have always seen Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate LOVE in general. I give my mom a Valentine, I text people I care about, I make cards for people, I give people candy, I remind EVERYONE I love that I love them!

The way I see it is, Valentine’s Day is shitty and depressing if YOU make it shitty and depressing- just like any other day. If you think love is worth celebrating, celebrate it! Bake things for people, go out with a friend, send cards, and buy candy. Make a date for YOU! There is nothing depressing about loving yourself.

Life is about attitudes. If you have a shitty attitude, life sucks. You can change it in an instant. You can even choose to ignore Valentine’s Day. It is a regular day where people still have to work, after all. Just don’t shit all over everyone who DOES love Valentine’s Day. We get it, you’re single, you’re sad, and you want attention too. Either keep it to yourself or change your day by changing your attitude.

Healthy Resolutions

I have two new year’s resolutions:

1. Be better about brushing my teeth before bed.
2. Start exercising again.

The first one…. well… once I lay in bed and get comfy and remember that I didn’t brush my teeth, I still don’t. I’m working on it.

The second one, on the other hand, is going very well so far. I started exercising every weekday, since weekends I work longer hours and its harder to fit in. I have had much success in the past with The FIRM videos, so that’s what I’m doing. Motivating myself can be a challenge. I wake up, lay in bed with my computer, play around on the internet, watch a show or two, THEN get my coffee and drink it while playing on the internet some more… I get so comfy and think, gah, I have to work out but I’m so comfy! Eventually I get out of bed and put my work out clothes on. Once I do this, I feel ready to get my butt in gear. There is something about getting changed and putting my hair up that makes me feel ready for a workout.

The other thing that gets me ready for a workout is the fact that I KNOW how wonderful I feel once I’m done. My head is clear, my body feels good, my endorphins are dancing around giving me more energy, and I feel ready to conquer the rest of the day.

So far I am feeling better physically and better about myself mentally. Trying to make this an ongoing habit is the hard part, starting it is easy.